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Crimson's avatar

I went to a treatment centre for drugs and alcohol. Upon arriving, I was asked If I identified as a woman (I am balding, have a beard and am basically a handsome middle aged man). When I said no, why? I was informed that they have a women's group. Ok.

So i get put in the "men's" group, which begins every session reminding a bunch of obviously straight white men, with a few natives (Canada), to respect all races, gender identities, sexism and misogyny will not be tolerated, etc. Every session. They wanted to really "set the tone" I guess. I was also straight-facedly asked if I identify as a woman when I went to the wrong room one day, and a women's craft session or something was happening. They would have happily let me sit down and join. It was surreal. There were posters everywhere welcoming gay, trans, pansexual (whatever that is) etc. In every room.

The place was run ENTIRELY by women with a few very feminine gay men on staff. We started every morning doing energy work where we held rocks like quartz and whatever to balance our chakras. I am not exaggerating or making any of this up. This between refrains of "evidence based" treatment. They had obvious disdain for 12 step programs. These were denounced as unscientific and insufficiently inclusive and too judgemental. (Nothing could be further from, in fact they hate AA because of the emphasis on personal responsibility, humility God, and most of all, that it isn't run by the government). The place was decorated top to bottom with Native American art, notably all by women and very feminine, which was lovely but with all white women running a government funded institution it seemed extremely phony. There was not a hint of masculine sensibility anywhere at all. The atmosphere was like an all-girls primary school.

The woman in charge was a sex therapist. You can imagine her takes. Sex-positive to the max. At all times was there talk of safe spaces and other very left coded language. It was utterly absurd to see the young men there, many of whom had been in jail, foster care etc. and looked it, from their body language, clothes and the grim look on their faces, who worked in construction, or were just street criminals, in this environment. All of us were comically out of place. It was totally ridiculous, like Kindergarten Cop or something. Having all these rough guys in this uber-feminine environment doing this stuff being led by 25 year old upper class university educated women who knew nothing about life amounted to a daily ritual humiliation. They seemed oblivious that this was all totally crazy.

I would add to your piece, the horror of the inevitable battle not to consume or be influenced by the language, culture and imagery of modern internet pornography your son is about to face. To make matters worse will be the insane gaslighting that it is either healthy or merely a waste of time, and not a demoralizing attack on his psyche and healthy sexual development. This will happen before his first date. These ghouls want him totally emasculated. And they will be smugly triumphalist about the banishment of discovering sex with a girl that likes you (or heaven forbid a wife) to the dustbin of history. All of the young men in the treatment centre were badly damaged by pornography. This was easily discerned from their language and attitude. I am talking about 28 year old men making loud orgasm type noises in mixed company daily, as some kind of running joke.

This attitude was paramount in this institution. In any case, the mere fact of a searchable database of grown women (and teenage girls!) having orgasms all over the internet have haunted these young men's thoughts for years, supplanting the eons-old, much more vague and mysterious (and healthy!) notions of sex teen boys harboured for millennia. It surely depressed and demoralized the good ones, and made the rest depraved and vulgar, as much as the staff around them denied and co-signed it.

The staff would laugh along, as this was not an example of "toxic masculinity" apparently, precisely becuase it was sexual (and therefore good), and because it was such a disgrace to the young men themselves. I honestly think the reason for the cavalier dismissal of the harms of this plague amongst many men, and is that many of these upper class sex-positive feminist elites not-so-secretly relish the idea of straight men debasing themselves, having their confidence and dignity taken from them, and becoming feminized degenerates. It's a power trip for them.

It absolutely is a culture war, and the casualties are young men. These guys are in so much trouble. There were very few men leaving there in good shape.

Ryan Davidson's avatar

It's not just Gen Z men, either. I'm an elder Millennial. I didn't grow up with DEI as a thing, but the Great Feminization was well underway by the 1990s. "Getting in trouble for being insufficiently 'gentle' and 'kind' in response to various passive aggressive power plays," perfectly encapsulates my experience in post-secondary and professional education and the working world thereafter. Graduating from law school in 2009, the very teeth of the Great Recession did not help matters.

What makes it worse is that the people telling me that were often men, many of whom thought they were trying to uphold some principled position about virtuous conduct, or even doing me a favor. But those same men beclowned themselves during COVID. I have absolutely zero tolerance for being scolded for "lack of gentleness" by pathologically conflict-avoidant men.

Here's the clincher though: it's possible they're even right. But that possibility doesn't matter, because they've completely lost all credibility with me. They call anyone who puts them in a position where they need to make a difficult decision "insufficiently gentle and kind."

The Zeroth Commandment of passive-aggressive "leaders" is, "Thou shalt not put me on the spot."

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